Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence, and Stalking: Support

First and foremost, we want to make sure you get the immediate help you need if you are injured.  There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself: 

1. Call the police or sheriff.  Assault, even by family members is a crime.  The police often have information about shelters and other agencies that help victims of violent crimes. 

1. Get medical attention from your doctor or a hospital emergency department.  The staff will contact trained staff, document your injuries and keep detailed records if you alert them to the cause of your situation, in case you decide to take legal action.  Most emergency departments will see you even if you cannot afford to pay, so save your financial worries for another day and get the care you need! 

Have you been a victim of a crime or don’t feel safe because of harassment or stalking? 

Take action!  Get immediate help and support by calling 9-1-1 to access police assistance.  Don’t want to call the police?  Call someone you trust or go to a safe place (emergency room waiting area, police or fire department).  Also, 

• Take threats seriously and seek professional guidance on how to communicate with an assailant.   

• Consider disabling location services and geotags on your phone, photos, and other technology.   

• Preserve evidence by not washing, don’t brush teeth, save clothing and other physical items, and contact the police or medical services to assist in collecting what may be needed later if you choose to press charges. 

Consent is when someone agrees, gives permission, or says “yes” to sexual activity with other persons. Consent is always freely given and all people in a sexual situation must feel that they are able to say “yes” or “no” or stop the sexual activity at any point. Consent should not be assumed.  Review SE’s definition of consent, and more, by clicking here to access the most current student handbook.

The Regional University System of Oklahoma follows the terminology defined in section 1.02 of their Title IX policy.  A description of terms may be found by clicking on “RUSO Title IX Policy” on the attached Southeastern webpage.  Terms include advisor, complainant, consent, dating violence, domestic violence, formal complaint, incapacity/incapacitation, preponderance of evidence, respondent, responsible employee, sexual assault, sex discrimination, sexual harassment, stalking and supportive measures. 

DOMESTIC & DATING VIOLENCE 

We associate domestic/dating violence with the physical acts, like hitting, choking, punching, and rape; however, there are other signs that need to be discussed that also demonstrate a problem that could be leading toward violence and need to be addressed. 

Warning Signs of Relationship Abuse:  

These behaviors often occur in a systematic way that keeps you from leaving, but it doesn’t look the same for everyone.  It might look like one minute you are walking on eggshells to keep them happy, then there is an explosion of words and/or actions by your partner that then leads back to promises and words of apology for their actions.  This may be repeated unless the partners receive the help they need to be their best selves, whether alone or together.    

Documenting Abuse: If you are scared to save documentation at home or on a device for fear of digital stalking, use a public library computer to create a place to store the information in the cloud.  You may also have friends or community organizations that are willing to keep this documentation for you.  Remember, digital abuse, like text/email/social media, counts too! 

Safety Plan Creation– Several agencies and services exist to help fulfill the creation of a safety plan.  Whether you are ready to leave or not, having a plan ready helps you prepare in case, at some point, you must act fast.  It helps you identify who and how others can help, what to take with you and how to stay safe getting away.  A plan can be created with your needs in mind at thehotline.org/what-is-a-safety-plan/. When implementing your plan, remember to change your routines to avoid the possibility of contact with your abuser. 

At thehotline.org you will also learn about safety and law enforcement, protective orders and other legal resources, internet safety and how to check your tech for monitoring, and how to support your children/pets and encourage support from those in your life that may not understand what you are going through. 

Talking With Your Children: 

Kids are often more clued to situations at home than we think.  Denying or ignoring it upsets them even more.  Let them share how they feel, let them know that what is going on is NOT their fault, and have them stay out of the fighting.  Share ways they can protect themselves: places to hide in and out of the home; talk about who they can go to for help; and teach those old enough how to dial  

9-1-1.  Practice with them to help them take their personal power back! 

Sexual violence can include a multitude of behaviors from threats of abuse and inappropriate touching to nonconsensual sexual acts. No one ever has the right to threaten you or perform acts that hurt you.  It is NEVER your fault, and we are here to listen and support you.  You are not alone! 

Things We Want You To Know: 

• Assault is not always violent 

• Use of alcohol and/or other substances doesn’t make you less of a victim or their actions allowable 

• Just because they have had your permission in the past, or you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t still need consent for every encounter 

Stalking is generally constituted by a pattern of specific and intrusive behaviors that are unwanted and make you fear for your safety.  It is a crime in Oklahoma and is also subject to disciplinary action at SE. 

Characteristics of Stalking Behavior 

Typically, it is important to look for patterns of behavior or note changes in the intensity of behaviors. 

Some temporary measures may need to be put in place through SE Student Affairs to help you feel safe during this turbulent time.  SE Division of Student Affairs is here for you!  A formal complaint DOES NOT need to be submitted to assist you with support, and confidentiality will be provided to the extent allowable.  Measures may include but are not limited to: 

• Safety Measures: any reasonable arrangements that are necessary for ongoing safety 

• Transportation or providing an escort 

• Priority for facility and service access for the victim and/or restriction to respondent (Changing living arrangements on-campus or adjusting academic schedules for safety) 

• Reporting assistance: navigation with filing a complaint with the university conduct process and the appropriate law enforcement agencies against the student(s) who caused harm (see contact information in resources below). 

• Confidential reporting can occur with some campus and community agencies without information being shared with others and includes counseling agencies, domestic violence shelters, and domestic violence hotline services (only if NO personally identifying information is shared).  In some states clergy are considered confidential bodies; however, ask your clergy before sharing. 

• Non-confidential reporters do ensure a number of supports are lent to you but are not information secure; however, these are not professions where information should be shared outside of what is required to take care of you and your safety in accordance with the law.  Agencies may include local police (including SE Campus police), SE Student Affairs or Title IX Coordinator.  A list of resources is contained in this material. 

• No Contact Order: This is instituted by the university and limits contact between both parties through any means of communication, as well as prohibiting others from making contact on their behalf. It has university consequences if not followed. 

• Emergency Protective Order: Court-ordered petition that prohibits contact and has legal consequences if not followed. 

• Other Measures: counseling and medical support and/or referral; privacy flag on directory information, academic support services 

An important part of healing is taking back control of your own life, and making decisions that are in your best interest.   

1. Talk about it!  Part of the concern with abuse is the secrecy.  By talking about it with others, in a safe environment, you can begin to heal.  That may be family and friends, but sometimes you need an unbiased ear, and that is where counseling may be helpful.  Get more information about those resources below. 

1. Share your story: You may reach a point where you want to share with your community your experience to support others in a difficult personal situation.  This can be done through advocacy organizations, police departments, and the university.  Reach out to SE Student Affairs for assistance with connecting if this is something you desire. 

1. Don’t forget to celebrate the small wins along the way (ex: safe living space, your job and financial freedom, etc)!  Celebrations can be as simple as giving yourself some extra time to relax or sharing a coffee with a friend and talking about your success.  Set it based on what you value. 

Sometimes you may notice things are wrong before they do.  Share your concerns and let them know you are there if they want help navigating resources and returning to a healthy place.  When someone shares with you their concerns about violence or fear in their lives you should: 

1. Let them express their feelings.  Don’t interrupt or ask probing questions that could be perceived as judgmental or create self-doubt about the appropriateness of their actions leading up to the behavior. 

1. Let them make their own choices.  Ask if you can share options, you are aware of or if you can help them find support, like this resource, but let them decide what to do next. 

1. Remind them it is against the law and help is available.  Encourage them to journal and keep a list of questions/concerns they have if there is a safe place for them to do this. 

1. Physical supports may include: Offer to provide them with shelter if you are able, or be a hand to hold during difficult appointments.  Be a note taker for them so you can help them remember and review details later.  Assist them with childcare if they need time for appointments and rest. 

1. Know the limits of what you can take on and offer to assist them in finding professional resources that can aid them further. 

Emergency Contraception Website/Hotline: 24/7 Hotline, English and Spanish @ 888-668-2528 

Durant Area: Crisis Control Center shelter and support 24/7 @ 580-924-3030; Bryan County Sheriff @ 580-924-3000: Durant Police Department 580-924-2727 or call 911 

Eastern Oklahoma Area: KiBois Women’s Shelter @ 1-877-810-5637; McAlester CARE Center @ 918-423-0032; SOS For Families @ 1-888-286-3369; Women’s Crisis Services of LeFlore County @ 1-800-230-9799 

Love is Respect: Relationship tips, quizzes, A College Student’s Guide to Safety Planning and more! Dating Abuse Helpline @866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 2252 

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Resources and live chat; call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY1-800-787-3224; text “START” to 88788. (mandatory reporting is required if you choose to share personally identifiable information, but you are not required to share any personal information to receive help) Provides support for survivors of abuse and those who do not wish to be abusers any longer.  If you choose to call, you can be immediately transferred to resources in your area, and they can support callers in other languages. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline: Resources and live chat; call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country. Services are confidential and support callers in other languages. 

Other helplines you may call (not required to share personally identifiable information to receive assistance): Oklahoma SafeLine @ 800-522-SAFE (7233); Victim Connect Helpline @ 855-4-VICTIM (84-2846);  Mental Health Crisis Hotline @ 988; National Dating Abuse Helpline @ 866-331-9474 or text “love is” to 22522 

Other web links with support: Office of Violence Against Women; National Organization for Victims Assistance (NOVA); National Center of Victims of Crime; Victim Connect Resource Center; How to Gather Technology Abuse Evidence for Court; National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health 

SE resources: SE Civil Rights & Title IX Policy webpage ; SE Campus Police 580-745-2727; Student Health Services and Counseling Center 580-745-2988; Office of Student Affairs @ 580-745-2368; Title IX Coordinator @ 580-745-3090. 

Tribal Resources: 

Chickasaw Nation Violence Prevention Hotline @ 1-855-405-7645 

Choctaw Nation Family Violence Prevention @ 1-800-522-6170 

Advocacy resources: National Network to End Domestic Violence 

Programs to assist with basic needs, like food, clothing, shelter, are available in many locations.  You may call 2-1-1 to see what may exist in your area.  Within Oklahoma, every county health department has a community health worker assigned to assist with these services and more. Identify your county health department by clicking here. You may also contact SE Student Affairs staff for assistance 

Students may access counseling (offer confidential reporting), if located in the state of Oklahoma, for group, couples, and/or individual services @ the Counseling Center, 580-745-2988; Glen D. Johnson Student Union, Suite 229. Students who are out-of-state may call for assistance with identifying services in their area. Faculty and staff may discuss their benefits with the HR benefits specialist to identify what they qualify for by calling 580-745-2158. Working with a professional to create a plan for what you might say or do if your partner asks you to return to the relationship should be an essential component for taking care of yourself.   

Abusers can also seek help if they want to stop but should agree to weekly therapy for at least one year and may also need treatment for drug or alcohol abuse.  Abusers can contact the domestic violence hotline, counseling services, or identify a batterer support group in their area. 

Job training and education may be needed, and the U.S. Department of Labor has opportunities that may be identified at dol.gov/general/topic/training. 

Do not confuse risk reduction tips for victim-blaming. The Federal Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013 and associated Department of Education Regulations on the Violence Against Women Act (34 CFR Part 688) requires institutions of higher education to provide risk reduction tips to the campus community. These tips are offered in the hope that recognizing patterns can help men and women to reduce the risk of victimization. Generally, an assault by a known offender will follow a four step pattern:

1. An individual’s personal space is violated in some way. For example, the perpetrator may touch the victim in a way that does not feel comfortable.
2. If the victim does not express discomfort, the perpetrator may begin to view the victim as an easy target because she/he is not acting assertively.
3. The perpetrator may take the victim to a location that is secluded and where the victim is vulnerable.
4. The victim feels trapped or unable to be assertive and is raped or assaulted.

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable sexual situation, these suggestions may help you to reduce your risk:

• Make your limits known as early as possible.
• Tell a sexual aggressor “NO” clearly and firmly. 34
• Try to remove yourself from the physical presence of a sexual aggressor.
• Find someone nearby and ask for help.
• Take affirmative responsibility for your alcohol intake/drug use and acknowledge that alcohol/drugs lower your sexual inhibitions and may make you vulnerable to someone who views a drunk or high person as a sexual opportunity.
• Take care of your friends and ask that they take care of you.

If you find yourself in the position of being the initiator of sexual behavior, you owe sexual respect to your potential partner. These suggestions may help you to reduce your risk for being accused of sexual misconduct:
• Clearly communicate your intentions to your sexual partner and give them a chance to clearly relate their intentions to you.
• Understand and respect personal boundaries.
• DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS about consent; about someone’s sexual availability; about whether they are attracted to you; about how far you can go or about whether they are physically and/or mentally able to consent. If there are any questions or ambiguity, then you DO NOT have consent.
• Mixed messages from your partner are a clear indication that you should stop, defuse any sexual tension and communicate better. You may be misreading them. They may not have figured out how far they want to go with you yet. You must respect the timeline for sexual behaviors with which they are comfortable.
• Don’t take advantage of someone’s drunkenness or drugged state, even if they did it to themselves.
• Realize that your potential partner could be intimidated by you, or fearful. You may have a power advantage simply because of your gender or size. Don’t abuse that power.
• Understand that consent to some form of sexual behavior does not automatically imply consent to any other forms of sexual behavior.
• Silence and passivity cannot be interpreted as an indication of consent. Read your potential partner carefully, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal communication and body language.

Bystander Intervention
Reducing instances of sexual assault and other gender-based misconduct must be a team effort, involving all members of the campus community. We must all take it upon ourselves to respond appropriately when we notice something inappropriate or dangerous. The following are positive options for bystander intervention:

• Notice the Incident. Bystanders first must notice the incident taking place. Obviously, if they don’t take note of the situation there is no way they can help.
• Interpret Incident as Emergency. Bystanders also need to evaluate the situation and determine whether it is an emergency, or at least one in which someone needs assistance. Again, if people do not interpret a situation as one in which someone needs assistance, then there is no need to provide help. 35
• Assume Responsibility. Another decision bystanders make is whether they should assume responsibility for giving help. One repeated finding in research studies on helping is that a bystander is less likely to help if there are other bystanders present. When other bystanders are present responsibility for helping is diffused. If a lone bystander is present he or she is more likely to assume responsibility. Defeat this tendency by assuming responsibility and helping whenever you can safely do so, whether you are alone or in a group of bystanders.
• Attempt to Help. Whether this is to help the person leave the situation, confront a behavior, diffuse a situation, or call for other support/security.

Tips for Intervening: In a situation potentially involving sexual assault, relationship violence, or stalking:

• Approach everyone as a friend
• Do not be antagonistic
• Avoid using violence
• Be honest and direct whenever possible AWARENESS EDUCATION
• Recruit help if necessary
• Keep yourself safe
• If things get out of hand or become too serious, contact the police